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Tampa News Force

RogueCop

Rogue cop plays by his own rules

By Clark Brooks | August 12, 2022

Andrea Warren of Tampa was recently pulled over and cited for an illegal u-turn by a police officer while sitting at a red light on north Dale Mabry at Waters Avenue. The officer, who identified himself as Captain Donny SeRantis with a law enforcement agency he refused to identify, said, “When you flagrantly violate traffic…

Breaking News

BOTBTNF

Now, VOTE FOR US!

Two months ago to the day, June 3, we politely, humbly and respectfully demanded that you nominate us for a 2022 Best of the Bay…

Scott USO

Rick Scott makes attempt to express concern for military service members

US Senator from Florida and rejected Star Wars droid prototype Rick Scott spent Thursday making care packages with The United Service Organizations Inc., better known…

Pet dachshund

Family pet foils school shooting

By Clark Brooks | August 6, 2022

Plans for a public school mass shooting were thwarted by a plucky pooch in Palma Ceia! A young man whose name is being withheld by authorities due to him being a minor who never actually carried out a crime but is named Calvin Mooshtock was in the middle of broadcasting a threatening message about what…

Sports

BKFC

No winners declared at last night’s BKFC event

Following the Burger King Fighting Challenge that occurred last night at the Burger King at 7450 E. Hillsborough in Tampa, the location’s manager said that…

Future Man

Future news: Lightning win 65th consecutive Stanley Cup

A man claiming to be from the future is claiming that the Lightning win 65 straight Stanley Cups in the coming years. Jedidiah Bunchkin, a…

Giselle

Giselle, “I forgot to do ritual for Lightning”

By John Jacobs | August 4, 2022

Giselle Bündchen, super model and wife of Buccaneers Quarterback Tom Brady, has admitted that she forgot to do a ritual for the Tampa Lightning. “I’ve been so busy doing rituals for my own family and my husband that it just slipped my mind.” She said. “I’m sorry, I know if I had just placed a…

Arts and Entertainment

Emojis

Apple adds abortion emoji

Due to abortions’ increase in relevance, the new Apple IOS update will include 16 new emojis, including 3 abortion ones. The head of Apple’s iPhone…

Mons Women

Mons Venus discontinues attractive, young entertainers

Following what has become an established-but-annoying business trend, Tampa’s world famous Mons Venus “gentleman’s club” has announced that they will no longer offer young attractive…

MarALago

FBI raid on Mar-a-Lago expected to yield catastrophic damage to comedy audiences

By Chris Coon | August 10, 2022

Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago home was raided by the FBI. This is horrific news for anyone who has to sit through an open mic this week. An unprecedented step by federal law enforcement—executing a search warrant on a former President’s home—will unfortunately kick off a series of mind-numbingly precedented events: hacky Trump jokes by local standup…

Government

Cardi A B C

Cardi B now most successful of the US Government’s Cardi droids

As many of you know, the US government began experimenting with the CARDI Program in the late 1980s, CARDI being short for Computerized Ass Revolving…

Nikki Fried

August 23rd Primary in Florida Could Decide Which Democrat Will Lose to Ron DeSantis

Agricultural Commissioner, Nikki Fried, pathetically gathered a small and unnoticeable cluster of people to complain about her leftist talking points. “Florida could really use some…

717 Skatepark

Seven One Seven Parking Enterprises to open downtown Tampa skate park

By Clark Brooks | July 29, 2022

With the Tampa City Council debating the merits of enforcing an ordinance that criminalizes skateboarding in the City of Tampa, with $75 tickets for skaters who ride in certain parts of the city, a private merchant has proposed a solution to the controversial measure. “We’re going to own and operate a skate park right downtown”,…

Local and Community

Realtor hunting

Hunting licenses issued to thin invasive realtor herd

For the first time in history, the State of Florida has begun issuing hunting licenses for people to hunt down and kill realtors. “About damn…

Clearwater Man

Cops find middle-aged white man so unhinged that he can’t have guns

Last Wednesday, Clearwater Police Department and the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office seized the guns of David Berry, who was seen on video being aggressive toward landscapers…

RogueCop

Rogue cop plays by his own rules

By Clark Brooks | August 12, 2022

Andrea Warren of Tampa was recently pulled over and cited for an illegal u-turn by a police officer while sitting at a red light on north Dale Mabry at Waters Avenue. The officer, who identified himself as Captain Donny SeRantis with a law enforcement agency he refused to identify, said, “When you flagrantly violate traffic…

RogueCop

Rogue cop plays by his own rules

By Clark Brooks | August 12, 2022

Andrea Warren of Tampa was recently pulled over and cited for an illegal u-turn by a police officer while sitting at a red light on north Dale Mabry at Waters Avenue. The officer, who identified himself as Captain Donny SeRantis with a law enforcement agency he refused to identify, said, “When you flagrantly violate traffic…

Teacher

Desperate Florida schools turn to student teachers

By Clark Brooks | August 11, 2022

Florida schools are facing a major staffing crisis, with over a thousand unfilled positions in Hillsborough County alone, where the school year began yesterday. As a result, they are turning to the school’s students themselves as a last resort. “We tried to recruit unqualified military veterans. That didn’t work. We’ve tried everything, every possible option,”…

MarALago

FBI raid on Mar-a-Lago expected to yield catastrophic damage to comedy audiences

By Chris Coon | August 10, 2022

Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago home was raided by the FBI. This is horrific news for anyone who has to sit through an open mic this week. An unprecedented step by federal law enforcement—executing a search warrant on a former President’s home—will unfortunately kick off a series of mind-numbingly precedented events: hacky Trump jokes by local standup…

Dome

Tampa News Force acquires this thing

By Clark Brooks | August 10, 2022

Yesterday, at an online auction intended to liquidate the asset inventory of the recently closed Tampa Grand Prix family fun center, we bought the geodesic dome structure shown in the photo accompanying this article. Also this photo: “After we failed in our bid to purchase the old, used parade float from Tampa’s Bonney-Read Krewe, we…

Emojis

Apple adds abortion emoji

By John Jacobs | August 9, 2022

Due to abortions’ increase in relevance, the new Apple IOS update will include 16 new emojis, including 3 abortion ones. The head of Apple’s iPhone emoji development team, Jack Kingoff, was quoted in a public relations meeting saying, “People need better ways to communicate delicate issues going on in their lives, and we’ve created the…

Realtor hunting

Hunting licenses issued to thin invasive realtor herd

By Clark Brooks | August 8, 2022

For the first time in history, the State of Florida has begun issuing hunting licenses for people to hunt down and kill realtors. “About damn time,” said Harold Kinter of Tampa. “I’ve been shooting at these varmints for years. Now I can do it without worrying about getting in trouble.” The increase over the last…

Chik-fil-A

Chik-fil-A to use Tampa Bay Area locations to teach business classes

By Clark Brooks | August 7, 2022

Chik-fil-A, the national fast food chain specializing in chicken sandwiches has announced plans for the use of some of their locations in the Tampa Bay Area on Sundays, when the restaurants are closed. “We’re closed every Sunday so our staff can observe the biblical edict that Sunday is the Lord’s day but our restaurants themselves…

Pet dachshund

Family pet foils school shooting

By Clark Brooks | August 6, 2022

Plans for a public school mass shooting were thwarted by a plucky pooch in Palma Ceia! A young man whose name is being withheld by authorities due to him being a minor who never actually carried out a crime but is named Calvin Mooshtock was in the middle of broadcasting a threatening message about what…

Buffet

“All you can abort” buffet opens next to Supreme Court

By John Jacobs | August 5, 2022

An “all you can abort” buffet has opened next to the Supreme Court in protest of the overturn of Roe v Wade, which, for a flat fee, offers people, “as many abortions as they want in one sitting.” The business is meant for larger groups such as bachelorette parties or kickball teams, where for a…

Giselle

Giselle, “I forgot to do ritual for Lightning”

By John Jacobs | August 4, 2022

Giselle Bündchen, super model and wife of Buccaneers Quarterback Tom Brady, has admitted that she forgot to do a ritual for the Tampa Lightning. “I’ve been so busy doing rituals for my own family and my husband that it just slipped my mind.” She said. “I’m sorry, I know if I had just placed a…